Category Archives: Talking rubbish again

Looking backwards and forwards

I’ve given up apologising for my lack of blog posts. Even my sort-of comeback post is apparently 5 months old now, oops. Well, I knew this would happen sooner or later – admittedly I should have expected how much of a drop-off it was going to be, but here we are.

janusHappy New Year! No promises about the blog this year, but I’ll write something if I think about it.

What I DON’T want is for this to turn into an outlet for all the negative feelings I get. I don’t think that would help me, and I don’t think anyone would be interested in reading it. Continue reading

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2,633 & 1,627 days later

Finally I’m going to get around to writing something on this old blog. For those of you just joining us, I recently moved to Japan, and reached some sort of blog-writing event horizon at the climax to Eurovision 2014, and just didn’t have any motivation to write any more. I don’t think I’ll ever quite get back to how it used to be, but I might as well make the effort to keep this going – even if it is just caretaking until the view-counter ticks over 200,000 from sheer weight of people searching for Eurovision nipples.

dusty archives

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Not dead

Oh I don’t know, I suppose it was inevitable. I’m amazed I had such a good run with this blog – I’ve got previous form with this sort of behaviour. Obsession with an activity for a beyond-reasonable amount of time, and then dropping it like a bag of cold sick.

movie_cemeteries_10bFinishing off this year’s Eurovision saga was the milestone this time, and the change in lifestyle since I moved to Japan put paid to the ‘one post a day’ routine. My all-or-nothing approach to things left the blog high and dry, so I’m sorry if anyone out there is worried about me, particularly as my last diary-type entry sounded like I was going to top myself or something.

So here I am with my tail between my legs. No promises about how often I will post, but I will keep it up when I can. I would say I’ve not got enough time during the week but really I’ve signed up to Netflix and been bingeing on Parks & Recreation – having ploughed through 5 seasons of that, I’ve rattled through the first season of Star Trek Voyager too! My obsessive personality has transferred to something else then!

I guess I’m just struggling to find a new routine – but today I’m enjoying the first pure bit of down-time I’ve had in a while, just quietly (and slowly) chugging through some little jobs that have been hanging around for ages.

I’ve been going to the movies fairly often, even for a few repeat performances – X-Men for the second time last week to cheer myself up, and Frozen for the fourth(?) time because… well, just because it’s amazing. It didn’t come out here until March but even so, it’s become such a phenomenon that it’s still showing 3 months later – 6 months after I first saw it.

There’s a slew of big new films coming up soon too. Godzilla for some reason is coming out 2 months later here despite lots of fanfare about his 50th anniversary here. I’m mega excited about the new Ghibli movie though – I’m still a bit miffed I haven’t been able to see “The Wind Rises” but “When Marnie Was There” comes out next month and it has a gorgeous trailer which is oddly absent from the internet right now.

Kind of muddling through socially at the moment – I’ve had some good weekends with new friends recently, but I can’t quite shake off the disappointment of some other friends’ actions (or inactions). Someone from home I never expected to ditch me has done just that, and a new friend in Japan is annoyingly flaky and it’s making me feel like a pretty minor player in his life despite things I’ve done for him. Heh… well enough of that.

Maybe I should go out tonight. No idea. But I’ve got a to-do list to smash.

I’ll do my best to put up some reviews, I’ve got plenty to get through, but sorry for going AWOL.

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Resurfacing

Hi all, sorry for the pause – I guess things have been pretty chaotic over the last month. I can’t believe I’ve nearly been away for a month now I think about it!

But I’m set up in my apartment now, and I have internet, and (some) furniture. I’ve even got a TV hooked up – Japanese TV is as weird as people say, but in some ways it’s a bit samey, there are a lot of panel shows and endless discussion about food.

I’ve been working at my school for two weeks, along with a week and a half of training before that. I was thrown together with three other trainee teachers for the intense training. Close quarters, but we are all still in contact – I guess we just need to work out how things will work out when we are working all the time. I’m bonding with some more than others, and it’s bringing me a lot of my usual angst about how to manage my friendships – I won’t go into the details though so don’t worry…

Teaching is somewhere between fun and scary – hopefully it will be guided towards fun as we go along. It still feels me with dread that I might never get great at it, or that I’ll never loosen up enough to enjoy it. But time will tell.

I don’t know why I chose today to write, I’m feeling a bit flat – that’s not a general trend, I seem to be up and down and all over the place. I’ve got no shortage of people offering to do stuff, but while the “me-time” I had at home was comfortable, the me-time I have here makes me feel quite alone. Long story short is that I haven’t balanced things out yet. There are some people here I’d love to spend a lot of time with, but it’s not possible for logistical and I don’t want to rely on someone like that.

It’s annoying, I thought I had reached a place where I could stop doubting that people wanted to spend time with me, but I seem to have left that place when I left the UK and my confidence is totally shot. Worst thing is that I don’t feel like I can really talk about it. Even writing this I’m not saying everything I want to, and it’s so annoying.

Hmm this was supposed to be a nice post… well I AM having fun, I think maybe the fun bits are just throwing the less fun bits into starker contrast than usual. I’ve seen a lot of stuff, and I’ve been very tired so maybe that’s part of it.

Anyway, I’m just going around in circles now – so just checking in. I WILL get through those Eurovision reviews, it’s only like a week away now isn’t it? Good lord…

Later x

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Auto pilot

How exciting, I’m on the road as I write this, first time since Malmö I think! Well not on the road, I’m sitting in an airport squandering my last free minutes of wifi in Dubai airport.

It’s not too bad, very modern and huge but it’s just all shops innit? Anyway just a note to say I haven’t died yet, and I’m halfway to Japan. The blog will tick over eerily as it deposits Eurovision reviews on the internet which I wrote over the last few weeks. Hopefully I can do the rest soon, think there is a week in the bank.

Anyway I’m sort of freaking out about it all, and I’m prone to watery eyes any time I hear from my family and friends, or see someone else with family and friends in movies etc. hopefully that will pass and this isn’t a huge mistake.

I’ve got another 3 hours to while away, no wifi either. Can’t they give it away free? (Score one for Estonia airport).

Anyway later x

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