Resurfacing

Hi all, sorry for the pause – I guess things have been pretty chaotic over the last month. I can’t believe I’ve nearly been away for a month now I think about it!

But I’m set up in my apartment now, and I have internet, and (some) furniture. I’ve even got a TV hooked up – Japanese TV is as weird as people say, but in some ways it’s a bit samey, there are a lot of panel shows and endless discussion about food.

I’ve been working at my school for two weeks, along with a week and a half of training before that. I was thrown together with three other trainee teachers for the intense training. Close quarters, but we are all still in contact – I guess we just need to work out how things will work out when we are working all the time. I’m bonding with some more than others, and it’s bringing me a lot of my usual angst about how to manage my friendships – I won’t go into the details though so don’t worry…

Teaching is somewhere between fun and scary – hopefully it will be guided towards fun as we go along. It still feels me with dread that I might never get great at it, or that I’ll never loosen up enough to enjoy it. But time will tell.

I don’t know why I chose today to write, I’m feeling a bit flat – that’s not a general trend, I seem to be up and down and all over the place. I’ve got no shortage of people offering to do stuff, but while the “me-time” I had at home was comfortable, the me-time I have here makes me feel quite alone. Long story short is that I haven’t balanced things out yet. There are some people here I’d love to spend a lot of time with, but it’s not possible for logistical and I don’t want to rely on someone like that.

It’s annoying, I thought I had reached a place where I could stop doubting that people wanted to spend time with me, but I seem to have left that place when I left the UK and my confidence is totally shot. Worst thing is that I don’t feel like I can really talk about it. Even writing this I’m not saying everything I want to, and it’s so annoying.

Hmm this was supposed to be a nice post… well I AM having fun, I think maybe the fun bits are just throwing the less fun bits into starker contrast than usual. I’ve seen a lot of stuff, and I’ve been very tired so maybe that’s part of it.

Anyway, I’m just going around in circles now – so just checking in. I WILL get through those Eurovision reviews, it’s only like a week away now isn’t it? Good lord…

Later x

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