Whew, I’m exhausted again, who’d have thought? Exhausted is a bit of a stretch I suppose. Yesterday I was exhausted and tried my best to get a good night’s sleep, so I’m a bit better. Perhaps run-down is a better description.
My friend’s exit from his job working with me to join another department has left our small team rather stretched, with colleagues hellbent on clearing their inboxes out in my direction. I’m determined to take a day off soon though, I just need something to look forward to in the short-term. It doesn’t help that the weather has been ceaselessly grey, wet and windy since New Year (apart from the nice days). It feels like it anyway, it’s just a bit miserable outside, and it’s contagious.
I think a lot of it is down to my friend leaving too I guess. It’s just so quiet around now, and not as much fun. I mean that I could just about deal with, but it’s more that he’s focused on his new colleagues now, his lunch is at a different time. If he just wasn’t there then that would be one thing, but he IS there but we don’t have any chance to talk.
This is where my paranoia kicks in, on cue. Perhaps he’s not really that bothered, and he’s started this new chapter and moved on from us. I don’t want to think about that. I think maybe it’s just a lot of little things getting on top of me and making things seem worse. I don’t want to intrude by texting him, but I mean that should be OK shouldn’t it? We’re hopefully meeting for lunch on Friday, so we’ll see what happens.
My housemate is yo-yoing around too, he seems really down today and I evidently don’t have the tools to get him to talk. Because that’s what I do when I’m miserable – I try to distract myself by ‘fixing’ anyone else nearby. I want to be great friends with him, but his mind doesn’t work the same way as me, he doesn’t want a BFF and I feel like I’m just encroaching on his space. Ugh. Maybe that’s what it boils down to, I’m desperate to find someone who wants to spend as much time with me as I do them, and I’ve never found that balance. Usually I’m the keener one, sometimes I’m not. One day I’ll sort it out. Hopefully.
This is a bit grim isn’t it? I never wanted to do diary stuff on this, especially not angsty stuff like last Friday, but maybe it’s good to get it out there.