Thirteen

Don’t really have any energy today, it’s been a bit of a struggle. I mean Friday 13th wasn’t the ideal choice of day to deliver the last big project of the year, but it was going to happen anyway. Despite some bumps, everything got sent off in time. Big sighs of relief all round. Except for one bit that I didn’t necessarily get wrong, but failed to spot someone else had gone wrong.

Compared to the project just delivered it was a pretty minor thing, but as usual it felt like it was 10x bigger than what I’d just achieved. It just took the wind out of my sails really, and tipped me over the edge to feel like a crashing failure. Apparently that’s easily done these days.

But no matter, I had the team going-out thing – bowling and KFC (the high life). Except that was the moment one of my best friends, the guy I work closest with at my job, decided to drop the bomb and say that he’d taken a job in a different department, and would be gone in a month.

I mean I should be happy for him, he’s moving into an area he’d prefer to do, and this job is a dead end (I should know, I’ve stuck myself in it for 6 years now), but selfishly I just feel a bit crushed and miserable about it. The only thing getting me through work has been the people I’ve been working with, him in particular. So the thought of doing this without him (particularly as I’m almost certainly going to have to cover both workloads, this is how it usually happens), and have to endure the inevitable drift apart as I drift out of sight and out of mind, it’s just a bit much to think about right now.

So I’m writing it here to get it out. I don’t normally do that, but I can’t really talk about it. I mean I know some people reading this actually know me, so I guess just avoid the subject, I just want cheering up because I already know what’s going to happen and that I can’t change it.

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