Social anxiety in the old country

Am I regressing? Today I set off for an adventure, a coach tour around Eastern Europe. I’ll land in Helsinki later today, and tomorrow I will meet my tour group; an unknown number of 18-35 tourists, and I’ll have to buddy up with them as best I can manage. I’m not good this.

I like to think I’m a smart guy, smart enough for people not to ‘get’ me or my sense of humour at least. Or that’s what I tell myself when I think maybe I’m just crap at speaking to people. I’m considerate and a good listener, but I tend to be a bit deferential when I’m in a big group. One-to-ones were always easier for me, but if someone’s going to talk all over me, they’ll probably succeed.

So big group meetings are a little stressful, and I just hope I find someone good who doesn’t mind me being a bit clingy in an unfamiliar situation. Maybe I’ll be lucky and they’ll be a bit clingy too, and we will make a great duo, and I don’t have to lie awake worrying if I’m being a burden.

God, did I just write 3 paragraphs of neuroses without even blinking? Yeah well, that’s me.

The first time I did one of these coach tours, it couldn’t have gone better. I met a few friends that I got very close with, and had a great holiday. The second time was a little tougher, and fresh from dad’s stroke I went on a long tour that I couldn’t cancel (and everyone said I should go, dad included). A bit stressed, I ended up in a rather dysfunctional setup with someone who got on well with me, but my paranoia just couldn’t settle, and I spent the whole tour in an emotional tailspin with plenty of bottled-up feelings.

So I’m doing it again… 4 years is a long time, and maybe I can act a bit more rationally this time. Hmm!

After two nights in Helsinki, we cross the border into Russia, where we spend a week between St Petersburg, Novogorod (no, me neither) and Moscow. From there, there’s a night in Belarus, before the tour ends officially in Warsaw after 2 nights. There is a free transit to Berlin, where I will stay a few nights too, before coming home.

I must say I’m a bit nervous about my safety in Russia & Belarus. I guess tour groups wouldn’t go if there was a reasonable chance of anyone being stabbed or killed, but that’s not quite comforting me yet.

But still I go. I want to see Russia, and all the other places (well, Belarus would have been nicer had I not had to shell out £100 for a visa for a day), so this is the way I have to do it. Wish me luck.

PS I’ve been trying to pre-blog plenty of stuff to try and keep the thing busy while I’m away. Totally stupid as it’s sucked a lot of fun out of creating content, but I hope you guys like it. xx


1 Comment

Filed under Talking rubbish again

One response to “Social anxiety in the old country

  1. Well you seemed perfectly normal and lovely to me when we met! Are you sure it isn’t all in your mind? I hope you have an excellent time and I’m jealous because I’d love to tour eastern Europe. You jammy sod! x

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