Is it that time of year already? Pancake day!
No, of course I’m talking about the BRITs (though I was more excited about the pancakes, even though my housemate cremated most of them). An even more slimmed-down award show this year, with 10 awards up for grabs, in addition to the Outstanding Achievement award and the fishy “Critic’s choice” (aka “Album is out this week”) award. I miss the days when there were more genre-based awards like best pop act, best dance etc. Instead we ended up with various shades of beige indie music, and a few acts sweeping the board practically unopposed. I also miss the days when anything of interest happened at the results shows.
I was pleased to win the prize for the best predictions of the night, with 8/10 (Christ knows why I went for Gaga over Rihanna). While the awards seemed to be half-determined by who was able to come to the show, it wasn’t a controversial set of winners. Happily Jessie J didn’t win anything, despite having more exposure on the show than sponsors Mastercard. Next year it should just be “BRIT awards 2013, sponsored by Jessie fucking J’s stupid face”.
The phone vote (never a good idea) meant that ex-X-factor dimwits One Direction stood in the way of an Adele hat-trick as they claimed Best British Single, voted for by girls who like to scream when a suitably-aged famous boy is within visual range. Ho hum. Even DULLER Ed Sheeran picked up two awards and performed, apparently. I mean I watched the whole thing but I’m struggling to remember, it’s like waking up from hypnosis.
The other performers were alright but didn’t really make much of an effort. Florence made a grandiose but po-faced attempt at a ‘big’ performance, as did the inexplicable appearance of Olly Murs and a possibly-miming Rizzle Kicks. Rihanna was the only one with any energy, but even that felt a little flat somehow. I did like the paint idea, but ultimately I’m not sure any of these performances are going down in BRITs history. I mean Christ, even Geri Halliwell gave an unforgettable performance, emerging from between a pair of 50ft legs.
The most calamitous cock-up (apart from hiring James Corden to host AGAIN) was the massive build-up to the Best British Album throughout the show, eventually won by Adele’s “21”. This should have been the big climax to the evening, and a neat book-end to a phenomenal year that really kicked off after her performance of “Someone Like You” at last year’s BRITs. But instead, she got about 15 seconds to say her “fank-yoos” before she was cut short to make way for Blur’s Outstanding Achievement set (the acceptance speech for which seemed to go on for hours). Heads must be rolling to mess up perhaps the only chance they had to highlight ANY importance the BRITs might still have in the present day.
So here’s to another year (if we must). Just a shame that the only memorable moment is this huge fuck-up:
Oh, did you want to know the winners?:
British Male Solo Artist, British Breakthrough – Ed Sheeran
British Female Solo Artist, Best British Album – Adele, “21”
British Group – Coldplay (again)
Best British Single – One Direction – “What makes you beautiful”
International Male Solo Artist – Bruno Mars
International Female Solo Artist – Rihanna
International Group – Foo Fighters
International Breakthrough – Lana Del Rey
Critic’s Choice – Emeli Sande
British Producer – Ethan Johns
Outstanding Contribution to Music – Blur (last album was 9 years ago, what happened this year that was so special??)