Kaerimasu ka?

(or loosely “should I go back?”)

So I’ve been considering re-applying for a teaching position in Japan. I was literally a day away from going last year, but last-minute family health issues changed my mind.

They said I conducted myself very professionally when I told them I wasn’t coming, and that it would be a positive rather than a negative. But I have to go through the whole interview process again. Poop. That was a terrifying few days … but I got through it. And they gave me a job, so what am I waiting for?

It just felt like most of 2011 was dominated by this, from January when I applied, February when I interviewed, March when I found out … then all the way through to August. Then things just collapsed, I lived with my parents for about 6 weeks, luckily got my job back, but it’s like the spark has gone from everything.

I feel quite isolated in a way, and yet I still feel like I have to cling to my situation in case I trade it for something worse. I have a few friends that really mean a lot, and I’d be worried to drift away from them… but is that enough of a reason? I’m just too cautious about everything.

And now I’m posting about it. I don’t expect advice from anyone, they would all say the same easy thing that I should ‘just go for it, you’ll only regret not doing it’. But that’s not entirely true is it? You don’t take chances just for the sake of them, you use your judgement. I know it comes from a good place, people just want to encourage me, I guess I just want more advice than just blind encouragement.

Maybe it’s just a kneejerk reaction, I had a shitty day at work, and it’s the first working day of a whole new year. Maybe I just need a holiday.


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Filed under Talking rubbish again

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